


Everything's Different, Everything's The Same

by kaneis



Category: The Last Kingdom (TV), The Warrior Chronicles | The Saxon Stories - Bernard Cornwell
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Mention of attempted rape, based on the TV show but works for the books as well
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-10-30 17:43:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10881792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaneis/pseuds/kaneis
Summary: Aethelflaed in her cell, thinking about being a hostage, and about Erik.





	1. Becoming Two

Nothing had changed. She rolled over in bed and repeated it to herself. Nothing had changed.

She was still lying in the same bed, sleeplessly, smelling the men’s dying campfires on the breeze and the sickly sweet smell of her night bucket. She was still afraid to fall asleep, afraid a man would come in the night and try to touch her. That fear was what kept her alert, listening to the breeze blow through the leaves and the sound of the tent city quieting for the night. 

So what if that fear was a little smaller now? A little less loud? It was still there. Erik’s words shouldn’t be trusted. Couldn’t be trusted. Aethelflaed crossed her arms, holding herself. Erik’s words should not mean as much as Haestan’s actions. She could see him standing in the doorway again. Her heart sped up. That twitchy little smile…No.

Aethelflaed flopped over onto her back and willed her arms to her sides, trying to relax. She would not think of that. She tried to picture her mother’s face. It was getting harder. Each night it was a little less defined. She tried to remember how the wrinkles at the edges of her mother’s eyes branched, but Aelswith’s face morphed into Haestan’s, leering in front of her. No!

She turned over onto her side again. The breeze, the leaves, focus on that. She forced herself to breath slowly again. She would never fall asleep like this. Aethelflaed breathed a quick prayer Saint Centwine.

He was one of her favorites, a true Wessex saint, and buried in Glastonbury. As a child, she had visited the abbey where he was buried on one of her mother’s pilgrimages, and had been praying to him ever since. She paused for a moment in her prayer, a thought occurring. Hadn’t Saint Centwine listened to her prayers? Erik had come, he came just in time to stop her from committing the sin of murder.

Although would a Christian saint work through a pagan Dane? Perhaps, Aethelflaed considered. After all, was not Uhtred a pagan and a Dane? Did her father not say that Uhtred had been sent from God? (And, when she was in a generous mood, did not her mother grudgingly say the same?) Erik, sent by Saint Centwine to protect her. Her lips twitched in what could almost be called a smile. That was a thought! How her mother would purse her lips if she heard what Aethelflaed was considering. She murmured a quick prayer to Saint Centwine, a thanksgiving prayer for sending Erik, just in case.

A few hours later, exhausted, Aethelflaed fell into sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

She couldn’t believe how much was still the same. She spent her days in the same cell. She slept in the same bed. The view from her window showed the same tree branches. How could one small change really change so much? Erik found her pleasing. That was all that had changed. And yet her cell suddenly seemed transformed. It was smaller whenever he was in it with her, emptier when he was away. Her bed suddenly seemed transformed. It was no longer a haven without Aethelred, a luxury to be thankful for. It was small, the pallet scratching and the frame creaking. It had always been rough and creaky, Aethelflaed knew, but now she noticed things. Like how Erik had to sleep curled completely around her to keep from falling off, the nights he could come. And the rough fabric covering the straw scratched her bare skin, when he visited. And the quiet groaning the frame made when she was using it for something other than resting. All these new annoyances she noticed, about the same boring bed, even though she had been sleeping on it for weeks without issue, before. But that was...well, that was before.

Not that Aethelflaed was unhappy. She shook her head, and glanced through the barred doors looking for something other than her bed to think about. The guards were playing dice again. They rarely did much else. Drink, eat, place dice. Right now, the man with the unusual scar was rolling. Hati’s scar wrapped around his neck, from the front to the back on his right side. It was almost like a scar she’d seen before of a man who had survived a hanging, thin and white and the width of a thumb.

Aethelflaed was curious about how he got it, but not curious enough to bother asking Erik. They had little enough time together to be asking all her questions about the men he commanded. And since she had nothing to do all day but think and watch her guards, Aethelflaed had plenty of questions.

She had figured out the rules of the dice game after her first few days. But she hadn’t figured out why Ravn always seemed to get angry when playing, even when he won. Did he dislike that it was the only game all the guards played? Did he dislike his shifts guarding her?

And, Aethelflaed wondered, why was Dagfinn shy about using his right hand? Sure, one of his fingers on his right hand was missing. And some men might find that embarrassing. But he was so bad with his left hand. Dagfinn might as well give up and show the missing finger, instead of awkwardly maneuvering with his knife and taking twice as long to eat compared to everyone else. Aethelflaed smiled to herself. It was probably some pagan silliness, a superstition, her father would say.

She turned her head away again from the door. The sun was above the lowest branch, but not by much. It would be dusk soon, and perhaps Erik would come before supper. He sometimes did, when the day’s hunting party caught more than usual, and he could return earlier. Or when he brought her supper himself, a treat.

He came to visit as much as he could. Erik knew she was bored. She had told him so, a time or two. That was another thing that had not changed. Her nights were often spent with him, and some meals, and sometimes she would be able to leave for baths. But most of her days were spent waiting and watching in her cell. They had no books for her to read. They had no implements for her to write with, and would have been suspicious of anything she wrote anyways. There was no thread or needles or cloth to sew with. So what could she do all day? Nothing but watch the men play dice, and watch the sun move across the sky. Aethelflaed was bored more often than not. Discovering Erik, and he discovering her, had not changed that.

When she was free, she would not be bored again. She would have days working alongside Erik. She would have evenings in his arms, and then maybe one day a babe…but Aethelflaed tried not to think about the future too much. She was in a cell, and she had Erik. That was enough for the present.


	2. Everything's Different, Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik and Aethelflaed bathe, and play, and talk.

This looked the same, Aethelflaed thought. The water in front of her moved along, unhurried on its way to the sea. Aethelflaed saw it by the light of the moon, with occasional glinting from the fires a hill behind her. And wasn’t that different? Now, she bathed at night. No scary norsemen watched her – besides Erik, of course.

She turned her head. He was still taking off his jerkin. Aethelflaed smiled. Even a man as big and strong and scarred as Erik looked slightly comical with his butt in the dirt, leg in the air, impatiently tugging at the bottom of his pants. She looked away, following the ripples of the water as it flowed, with a feeling suspiciously close to peace. That was a difference too. She was not just not-afraid. When Aethelflaed had first arrived at Beomfleot, she had been afraid of everyone and everything.

Erik, the man who had thought up the idea of ransoming her, she thought of with loathing as well as fear. He had taken her from her family. He had made her a weapon against her father and the kingdom they had barely managed to keep alive. He had locked her up. How she railed about Erik and Sigefried. But only inside, of course, because it would not be good to let the warriors guarding her door know how afraid she was.

She was still afraid now, of course, Aethelflaed thought with a grimace. That had not changed. But she was not afraid of Erik anymore. A strong arm wrapped around her belly, and a warm chest bumped her back.

“My lady, we came to bathe.”

“Mmm, what if I want to stand here a little longer?”

He rested his chin on her head, his short beard gently tickling her forehead, and wrapped his other arm around her. “I thought you preferred to watch the sea, lady.”

“I do. But this is also nice. Do you not enjoy the free air?”

“It is better-smelling than that pigsty the camp has turned into, yes.” He took a deep breath. “And I can almost taste the salt, even here.” Erik squeezed her, a brief hug. She smiled slightly at his words. He missed sailing more each day. But no boats were to go anywhere, not until the gold and silver were paid and she was returned. Sigefried and Erik had declared no boats from Beomfleot could sail, lest a few men get tempted to sneak a ship and snatch the ransom as it was being delivered down the Thames. Erik understood why it was necessary. He just loved his boat, and he loved the water. Erik mentioned the sea and sailing a little more often each day, and Aethelflaed knew he missed both.

“Alright, that’s enough, in you go!” He scooped her up without warning, striding towards the river. Aethelflaed protested and wriggled, but he held her fast, not even looking down as she breathlessly pleaded. He walked straight into the river. Erik was wet to his thighs, Aethelflaed’s bum getting lapped by every other ripple, before he let her go.

Cold! It was so cold! She twisted, trying to get her feet under her as the river insistently carried her downstream. Aethelflaed got her head above the water, breathed deeply, then paddled a few feet to get back to Erik.

He had leaned forward, getting his whole torso wet, while she was busy. Now he stood waiting for her, lazily wetting his hair and beard as he watched her swim. She grinned. Then she let her body flip onto its back and she reached out a foot to hook his knee.

Erik just stood there, not moving even a little as Aethelflaed did her best to topple him. Even with the current helping her pull, he refused to be moved. Stupid, strong norseman. After a second Erik looked down, grinned back, then leaned down to kiss Aethelflaed over her smile. He kept kissing her, bent awkwardly at the waist, until she gave up and put her foot down. He just kept kissing her. Slowly, she stood up completely, Erik’s mouth following hers, the water rushing around her hips. After a second Erik gently wrapped his arms around her, fingers exploring low on her back.

A small part of Aethelflaed’s mind marveled at how, even though she had been with Erik more than once now, just his fingers on her skin still made her tense. In a good way. But most of her mind was occupied by the feel of his lips on hers. His tongue gently touching her teeth. His mustache rough on her upper lip.

Even their first kiss, that first time on the hill, he had been so gentle. Kind. How love should be. Aethelflaed smiled through the kiss, and Erik pulled his head back, just enough to see her face. Then he smiled back at her. His face mostly shadow in the moonlight but Aethelflaed stared anyways. This was how love should be, she thought. Gentle and kind, like my lord father and my mother, and like Uhtred and Gisela. Erik seemed content to simply stare back, waiting for her to do whatever it was she needed. Filled with a sudden sunburst of happiness that seemed to expand from somewhere in her chest, Aethelflaed went on her tiptoes in the water to hug him. Erik was so tall her face was still just to his collarbone. He squeezed her back, catching her, her legs dangling in the rushing water, her body held against his so tightly that she felt a little breathless.

“I love you,” Aethelflaed whispered. Her confession seemed to float on the breeze, dancing downstream with the river’s current, as Erik remained silent. She froze, the sunburst suddenly growing cold. Erik had not said he loved her. He had not said anything of his feelings towards her, in fact. Maybe he could not hear what she said, maybe the water was too loud…

“I cannot let you go.” Erik whispered, sounding surprised at his own words. He held her there, for an agonizing few seconds. What did that mean? Aethelflaed wondered. What could it mean?

“I cannot let you go.” Erik repeated, sure this time. Aethelflaed's heart was suddenly loud in her chest. He was making her a promise, she thought to herself, a vow. He would keep them together. He loved her. And suddenly everything was different, again.


	3. Something To Hope For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He said he loved her, he said he could not give her up. But Aethelflaed cannot think of how they can both live, and live together...

She would have to do some serious thinking, now. Aethelflaed frowned as she sat on the small bench at her table, and gazed sightlessly out her room’s window. She did not want to have to think about the future. She had avoided it quite successfully for the past few weeks. Better to not remember that eventually, she would be going back to Aethelred. Back to a place that barely paid lipservice to her father’s rule, to Mercia, and viewed her as a foreign interloper. Better not to remember her fate as Aethelred's wife. And it had felt like her fate, as inevitable as this summer turning to autumn. But now… 

She felt her face turn red, and she glanced away from the window as if it could see her blushing. Erik wants to stay with me she felt, more than thought. It was a hot feeling, making her chest feel like it was expanding and her fingers and toes feel like they were being pricked by needles. She sat for a moment, just feeling happy. 

Then Aethelflaed sucked in a deep breath, and slowly let it out, the happy feeling seeming to leave her with her breath. That happy feeling was why she needed to think. She was good at chess. She could think in twisty, complicated, strategic ways when it came to pieces on a board – but Aethelflaed was much less confident in her ability to think her way out of this. 

Aethelflaed crossed her arms and frowned at the floor, not really seeing it, trying to think through what would happen. Once the ransom was paid she would be a thousand times better protected. Her father would not allow Aethelred to oversee her protection any longer. Aethelflaed would be guarded at all hours, and by men her father chose. She huffed a small chuckle. And a priest for good measure! Aethelflaed knew she would be kept at Wessex’s capital, or Mercia’s, places with high walls and many towers. 

Allowing the ransom to be paid, then waiting for Erik to save her, was foolishness. He might be able to manage it. Aethelflaed was not confident though. And any attempt to take her when she was surrounded by guards and in the middle of a heavily guarded, fortified city would cost many lives. As a Christian, she could not make plans that would deliberately cost innocent people’s lives. 

Aethelflaed quickly made the sign of the cross. Even thinking about doing so might be a sin. Better safe than sorry. She breathed a quick prayer to Saint Centwine, apologizing.

Her mind immediately jumped to what she had done, what she was doing, with Erik. The church and Saint Centwine would call that a sin too. Adulteress, people would call her. Whore. Traitor. That last one was the worst. Aethelflaed pursed her lips, thinking about it. Everyone she knew, her father and mother, her friends – they would all condemn her for loving Erik, call it a sin against God. Their condemnation would hurt, even if she herself did not agree. 

Aethelflaed had considered whether she was committing adultery, and decided that she was not. Aethelred was no true husband. He beat her. He did not respect her. He did not consider her a loving helpmate. He had broken their vows, the vows they had made before God, and gave up the right to be called her husband. So no, what she was doing was not adultery, Aethelflaed felt confident. She was a free woman, even if the law did not agree. She was free to find love elsewhere. 

Which returned her, Aethelflaed thought with a sigh, to her problem. What was she to do, so she and Erik could live, away from Mercia and Wessex, together and free? She looked up again, watching the branches of the tree outside her window, as they moved gently in the breeze. 

This was the real problem. How could she and Erik both live, and live free, and live together? Aethelflaed could live free, if she simply did nothing and let the ransom happen. She would go back to Aethelred and endure him for a few years. She would spend her time praying for children, then once pregnant, going on pilgrimages to a nice distance away, "for the good health of the child," to make sure she was far from Aethelred and ensure he did not beat the baby out of her. After two or three sons, Aethelflaed could retire to a monastery – even if Aethelred did not wish to allow it, her father was pious and would approve, with her mother's encouragement. Aethelflaed could easily live free, if she gave up on living with Erik. She shook her head slightly, then turned to look back out the window. That was not a pleasant future to imagine. 

Erik too, she thought, could easily live free, if he simply did nothing and let the ransom happen. He would use the ransom to build a good army, and then the brothers could take over from King Aethelstan instead of merely harassing King Aethelstan from Beomfleot. Did they call him King Guhtred, or King Aethelstan? Not the point, she reminded herself. Erik would be a king. He would be free, and alive, but an enemy of her father and her husband. 

Erik would probably not continue fighting Mercia and Wessex … Aethelflaed turned that thought over. She was not so sure that Erik's feelings for her would stop her from continuing his conquests. Erik knew her feelings towards her father, and so might refrain from attacking Wessex. Erik knew her feelings towards Aethelred, and so might be all the more eager to attack Mercia. He would think that by taking Mercia, he could take Aethelflaed and hopefully kill her husband in the bargain.

That was a problem. Erik would be able to retake her by taking Mercia. Aethelflaed would be kept far from any fighting, her father would not risk her again, she had already been kidnapped once. Since King Alfred was the liege lord of Lord Aethelred, her father could command her husband, and her father would command that Aethelflaed be kept in the most secure, most protected part of Mercia. Even if Mercia fell, Aethelflaed would be quickly taken to "safety" and her father in Wessex. 

Erik, Sigefried, and thousands of pounds of gold and silver could probably take Mercia. He would become an even bigger and more important king, a hero to the Danes, but he would not get Aethelflaed. They would still be apart. 

So what was she to do, so they could be together, as well as alive? 

Well, Aethelflaed considered. She could run away, with Erik. They would be chased by everyone. But mayhap Erik knew a safe place to go, wherever the farm he grew up on was, that he occasionally mentioned. Hopefully it was far enough away... She stared at the sky, trying to imagine where on the edges of her father's maps would be far enough away. Probably they would have to fall off the edge of the map, she thought with amusement. 

Her mind jumped to how they would get to that farm -- how could they get out of the camp? Aethelflaed frowned to herself, her brief amusement fading. Sigefried would not agree, he needed that gold and silver, he was determined to be a great man, a king. Sigefried they would have to get past too. What if Aethelflaed pretended to kill herself? A body could leave the camp for burial. No, that would not work, because Sigefried would probably try and ransom the body. And when there was no body, all would know what Aethelflaed and Erik had done, and hunt them down. 

There was something there, though. Something she was missing. Aethelflaed stood up, and started pacing between the door and the wall. The guards outside glanced up when she stood, then went back to their game when she did not ask anything of them or even look in their direction. She paced back and forth, crossing her arms, and lightly kicking her dress in front of her with each step. It was a bad habit she had picked up here. Seven steps, turn, eight steps, turn. 

How would pretending to kill herself help? It would break her parents' hearts to believe she was dead, but they would no longer search for her and Erik if they believed her buried. Many would consider her a hero in Mercia. Dead, they would not have to pay a large ransom and beggar the kingdom. Although Sigefried would try to ransom the body. And they had the same problem all over again, of what would happen when there was no body to ransom. Which is why pretending to kill herself would not help get herself and Erik free and together. 

What if she threatened to kill herself, unless Sigefried helped them escape? Aethelflaed tilted her head, still pacing, as she considered it. Sigefried could get the gold and silver, then she would "kill herself" in shame for having cost her parents so dearly, and Sigefried would help her and Erik escape. That could work. If Sigefried agreed. 

Which he might very well not, Aethelflaed frowned, because Sigefried did not know Erik cared for her, beyond being a nice way to pass time. If they told Sigefried they loved each other and wanted to go away together, and that they needed his help to fake Aethelflaed's death, Sigefried might refuse out of anger that Erik had deceived him. Sigefried might refuse because he did not want his brother to leave Britain and go so far away. Sigefried might refuse because he wished to be in Valhalla someday with his brother, and did not want to see Erik convert and go to a different afterlife. And once he knew how Erik cared for her, there was no un-knowing it. Sigefried could ruin any other plans they made if he knew. 

Erik probably had already thought of this, Aethelflaed thought. This must be why he has been so careful to not let any hint of his affection show. No, getting Sigefried to help them pretend to commit suicide would not work. She turned from the doors and started walking back towards the wall. Hem kick, step, hem kick, step. 

So why did her mind keep returning to suicide? Was there another way it could be useful, to get Aethelflaed and Erik away, alive and together? Perhaps...Uhtred. Hem kick, step, hem kick, step. She considered Uhtred, for a minute. He cared for her, had seen her grow from a baby, had disliked Aethelred from the second he met him. Uhtred she trusted completely. Did she trust him to help her leave the camps? Maybe pretending to kill herself was the way, if he could get the right herbs to her, herbs which would slow her breathing and make her pale. 

If he could get the herbs to her, and if her "body" was ransomed, and if Uhtred was part of the guard to escort the body to Mercia, Uhtred could help her escape along the way. If Uhtred was part of the guard. He was the logical choice to send to negotiate, Aethelflaed was confident, so she could probably meet with him then. If not, she would definitely be allowed to pray with the priest that would accompany negotiating party. Aethelflaed might be able to convince the priest to deliver a written message to Uhtred. 

There were a lot of risks in this plan. The priest would have to be willing to carry a message without reading it, or be someone Aethelflaed trusted enough to tell the plan to, someone Aethelflaed would trust to not tell her father or her husband. She smiled, with an ironic twist. She wouldn't trust any priests she knew to not tell her father or her husband, and she definitely wouldn't trust a new priest, nevermind their holy vows. Aethelflaed sighed. So there was no way to guarantee that she could get a message to Uhtred. Even if she did tell Uhtred, and he agreed to help, there was the problem of Uhtred retrieving her "dead" body. Would her father want to entrust his daughter's body to be returned to his pagan aelderman? Possibly not. 

She frowned and she turned from the wall and started walking back towards the door again. Mayhap she didn't need to pretend to kill herself. What if she merely threatened to kill herself, as she had considered doing to convince Sigefried? Uhtred cared for her, he would not want her to die. And unlike the Christians, he did not believe martyrdom meant reward in the hereafter. She was not sure what he thought happened to those who took their own lives. But he would not view it as a good path to Heaven, like the Christian aeldermen would. Uhtred might help her and Erik escape, if he believed the alternative was Aethelflaed killing herself to avoid being ransomed and returning. 

Aethelflaed stopped pacing, and sat down in the chair. This was an idea worth considering. She would need to talk about it with Erik. Mayhap he had thought of a better way. But this was something, at least, something she could hope for.


End file.
